Change your response

So last Sunday, I was playing the keyboard for the evening service. Unfortunately there were technical difficulties and that affected the volume and my background pad music. I can remember very strongly being unimpressed with what was going on and I wasn’t playing my best. During this particular moment, I remember thinking “I can’t wait for this service to be over so I can cry about this”

That was very mean of me to think like that.

After worship was over and the pastor got on stage to share his message. I was in the back of the room, just thinking about my performance, how much I sucked and then the Holy Spirit intercepted my thoughts and said:

“Change your response”

Then the second time, the Holy Spirit replied “You need to learn to change your response. Things are not always going to be perfect. You can’t control everything but you can control is how you respond”

I was taken back and I was like ‘Lord, I can’t believe I behaved the way I did. Forgive me’

I’m that type of person, I’m not a perfectionist but I have ideas on how things should be and the way they should be carried out. And when that doesn’t happen and things don’t fall into place like they should. I do get upset.

In that moment, I had to have a quiet introspection and realized that I did not respond but reacted. I didn’t take my time to figure out where do I go from this problem but rather, I behaved unprofessionally and immature.

I can’t control everything as much i want to but I can’t. I don’t have power over mishaps, I can’t control my external environment, people’s perception of me, delays in schedule.

Similarly with siblings, who sometimes deliberately try to test your patience and want to see you snap…when you don’t give them that satisfaction – they get upset? Why? Because you’re not giving them the reaction they want.

The only power I do have is how I choose to respond to my situation. Even in your circumstances, nothing confuses the enemy more than when you worship God despite what you are going through. I can’t fix what goes on externally but I can make a choice over what rises internally. What I choose to flow within me, in my spirit, my thoughts, my emotions.

Should I give into my fleshly instinct? Give it that 15 seconds of fame, huff & puff all I like and instead of suppressing negative emotions.

Or do I allow the Holy Spirit to reign in my heart and my mind, develop that fruit of patience, joy and the peace that Jesus has give me.

Most of all, I was on a worship team that was supposed to help create that atmosphere for people to lean into God more. Even though the service was good. I wasn’t worshiping God. Though I did not raise my hands but I was not giving Him a heart of worship. I was so wrapped up in how worship should look like and sound like. I didn’t give him a heart full adoration and love.

I made it all about myself.


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